The Bachelor 22.4 Recap

Holy cow, what a week, you guys. So they went to South Lake Tahoe, which, I get it, if The Bachelor is going to choose between South Shore and North Shore, then fine they can choose South Shore. It’s more commercialized, so it makes sense, but I can tell you that it doesn’t have the heart that North Shore has. BUT, the parasailing with the American flag parachute! When I would go up to my uncle’s cabin in the summers, that goddamn parasail would pass by our neighborhood every single day with people in it and I have distinct memories from my childhood of seeing that thing go by all the time and wishing I could go on it. Anyway, I heart Nor Cal five ever. And Seinne is perfect.

Also, did y’all see Kendall this episode?! She was ranked second overall in my initial rankings, but then I got worried that ABC would be the dumb butts they usually are and just turn her into a joke because of the taxidermy stuff even though I knew she was SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT. But she really showed up this episode and I think ABC has realized that she is a legitimate contender.

Okay. Where to begin with Bekah’s date. HOLY MACARONI. Look, here’s the way I see it. You’re looking for someone to spend fifty-plus years of your life with. It doesn’t matter what their age is or who they are, but you need to want to have fifty years of experiences with someone. It doesn’t matter if there is a 14-year difference if you feel like you can both grow and change and experience the world together, because it’s literally the rest of your lives.

But let’s get down to the numbers about age now. Arie is 36. Bekah is 22. Arie was uncomfortable with that. But do you want to see the ages of the twelve remaining women on the show?

Ashley       25

Lauren       25

Jacqueline 26

Kendall      26

Tia             26

Becca        27

Marikh       27

Seinne       27

Jenna        28

Chelsea     29

Krystal      29

The average without Bekah is 26.8. No one is older than 29. The two women who are 29 are the two villains of the season. If you just look at the numbers, Arie has no problem telling Lauren B., who is 25, that she is a frontrunner and that doesn’t seem to line up. Of the group who I believe is the Top 7, the average age is 25.6 (No, I’m not giving away who I think my Top 7 will be, what are you crazy?). I understand on a material level Arie’s fear about the age gap, but he needs to stop kidding himself. The difference between 11 years and 14 years is negligible. And, most importantly, the conversation between Arie and Bekah felt more real than any conversation since Rachel and Peter at the end of last season. There. Is. Something. Real. There.

Alright, now let’s get to individual points recaps. (I’m operating on the assumption that Maquel will not return.) We’re deep enough into the season that current scores are beginning to matter so I’ll begin with that. Jenny is in first with 109, followed by me with 106, then Justice with 103, Alicia with 96, Kristina with 95, and, bringing up the rear is Danica with 91.

Jenny held together a tight ship this week to maintain first place in actual points. She dropped three picks between Annaliese, Caroline, and Maquel, but she’s still holding strong. Unfortunately, she’s second-to-last in potential points (145 out of a potential 236) as she still is suffering from the loss of Lauren S. last week.

I had only three losses right alongside Jenny this week thanks to Lauren S., Annaliese, and Caroline. I had more faith in Caroline, Ms. Massachusetts USA, but alas, I was let down. Lauren S. as runner-up is still pulling me down, but I’m sitting okay with 180 potential points remaining.

Kristina had a fairly strong week as well losing just four, including Brittany and Maquel. She is totally clear in the final four on out, giving her a comfortable 215 potential points.

Justice was clearly the winner this week. She only lost two picks and they were Jenny and Lauren S., losses from previous weeks. She bumped up to third thanks to that success. But, more importantly, her bracket is totally clear from the Top 6 on, giving her by far the most potential points (226 out of a potential 236). I continue to assert my skepticism about Justice’s bracket, but, on paper, she is way in the lead.

Alicia had a rough week losing five of her twelve picks, but she can still feel comfortable holding onto her 195 potential points.

And lastly, of course, cruising joyfully into last place yet again is Danica Martino and her absolute mess of a bracket. She lost five of her twelve picks this week. One of those losses was Maquel who believe the most romantic non-US city is “Paris. Obvi” [sic] and when asked what her ideal mate looks like answers, “Mmm….. Ryan Gosling.” Maquel may come back, but if she doesn’t, Danica is about to lose her runner-up AND her second of three Fantasy Suite contestants. Danica has just 123 potential points remaining.

ALSO MAQUEL IS 23 YEARS OLD. IS SHE COMING BACK, BECAUSE SHE WOULD LOWER THE AVERAGE AGE EVEN MORE. COME ON ARIE. GET OVER YOURSELF.

The Sleeper Pick of the Week Award goes to Justice for being the only one to call Ashley going this far. Only one other person (Danica) even had her making it through the third rose ceremony. Justice’s bet on Ashley doesn’t end here though as she is sending her all the way to the Top 6. If Justice is right about Ashley, then that automatically gives her at least 15 more points over a three-week span than every other player in the bracket.

Lastly, does anyone want to take bets on a Krystal-Tia two-on-one next week?